Scared of Lonely…

It’s a beautiful day, and I woke up feeling lovely. Hope you did too.
Tomorrow, I return to the frozen tundra that is Minnesota. I’ve seen countless snaps and let’s just say I’m not ready to become an icicle once I leave the airport. But if Google serves me right, I’ll be dealing with more rain than snow 🙏🏾(now what happened to my umbrella-ella ☂️ eh?) Although, the weather in Saint Paul is looking manageable so yay!

I’m really sad to be leaving Atlanta tbh. The weather is nice, it’s chill and I’ve had such a wonderful time. Plus, who doesn’t want a longer holiday? (more like a forever holiday🙄) Don’t get me wrong. I’m really excited to be going back. I can’t wait to dive back into school and see my Mcnally Family (which from this day will be called the McFam💜, because Mcnally Family is a mouthful). I’m excited to do so many things that I hadn’t done before the break.

But the reason I’ve been anxious to go back is mostly one thing. I’m scared of being lonely.

Not alone but lonely. The difference being simply this. I don’t mind being alone. In fact, it’s something it’s something I embrace. Being able to gather yourself in your own little bubble and just breathe, be yourself…I love it! It’s something I’m used to. Something I crave at times.

a·lone
adjective & adverb
1. having no one else present; on one’s own.

But being lonely is different. It puts me in a space where I start to overthink everything (more than I already do) and that’s when negativity starts to slowly slither its way into my mind. It makes me anxious and just puts me in an iffy mood😶. Have you ever been in a room full of people; whether at a party or concert, or with your family or friends, and you just feel out of place? A wallflower in the dark amidst a garden blooming with light, life and joy. I have. And sometimes, no matter how hard I try, I can’t get myself to blend in and enjoy.

lone·ly
adjective
1.sad because one has no friends or company.

All I’m trying to show is that there’s a difference. That’s why this year, I decided that this is something that will not stop me from doing what I want 🙅🏾. Why? Because I know I have friends, I can talk to no matter how I’m feeling. I have my family, although far, who love me and care for me. I have someone I love, and who loves me back. I’m going to an amazing school and doing what I love. What more could I ask for? 🤷🏾‍♀️ (okay… I could ask for a lot more.. but you get my drift 🤔)

In my previous post, I wrote that you were born into this world alone, and you will leave this world alone. But I’m just trying to make the difference clear. You can choose to be alone, but you don’t have to be.

Loneliness is something that can be overcome because no one is every truly alone. 

No matter how much you think the world has a personal grudge against you or life just wants to pelt you with 🍋lemons🍋. So take out the tequila 🍸 and don’t fret. If you fall, you can get back up again. Push through because you can do anything you want to do.The world is a treasure map and its beautiful, bountiful spoils are yours for the taking. (I’ve been rewatching One Piece…😬)

So Work hard, Play harder, Live to the fullest and Love more than anything. And don’t forget, there’s nothing wrong in asking for a little help along the way.

Till next time darlings,😊

Ennaira 🙈💜

#The2017Effect

So the holidays went by in a blur…literally (if you can remember the holiday weekend as clear as day, kudos to you), and the new year rang in with a flurry of fireworks, rib-aching laughter, and a banging headache that leaves you bedridden the whole day.

Yup. That sounds about right.

And now we have 2017! A year of playing hard and grinding harder. Everybody seems to have a mission, a goal or a plan and no time for nonsense (👏🏾  #Clapback season!! 👏🏾 ).
For something that people have been saying every year, “New Year, New Me” seems like a recurring mentality honestly. Personally, I want to say “New Year, Let’s see”. I have no idea what will come my way, but I’m willing to meet it head on and push through. I want to procrastinate less and find myself more.

Before 2016 (UGH!🙄 ) ended, I had to write a research paper for one of my classes on a topic of our choosing. Being the over-achiever I am 🤓 , I wrote about how willpower can make one successful in life. Is it something I believe?? Hell yes! And so the last line of my paper was, “If you will it and believe it, you will be it and live it.”
*Side note – This was the most draining assignment of my whole life because it was a really ironic joke as I had no “will power” to do the paper… but I got it done after a lot of coffee, a large can of Red bull (big mistake) and confusion. So YAY!

When I was younger..er, I had – and still have – so many dreams and visions for myself. I’d wish on stars, eyelashes, 11:11 and anything else that I believed would turn my dreams into reality. No lies, I still do. Lol 😂 !! But the difference between younger(er) Me, and the person I am now, is that I understand that as much as I may wish and dream – if I’m not putting in the effort and working for what I want, I won’t get it. Simple as that. They’ll be no magic lamp with a genie to grant my three wishes, and there will definitely be no fairy godmother to poof in from who-knows-where to bippity-boppity boo my booty all Cindrella-style. 💩

The 2017 effect is kicking in, and it feels good. It feels like a good year. But it will only be as good as you decide to make it. So go into it with POSITIVE VIBES (very important), a vision, and the will to slay your demons, haters, and all dem bad vibes, and rise from the ashes, like the Mother of Dragons in all her glory!! (because phoneix[s?] are awesome but cliche af… no offense) If you don’t watch Game of Thrones #sorrynotsorry.
I’m no expert on life. I just think if you do you, then you’re all good👍🏾 .Don’t fret about pettiness and all that. If you ain’t got the time for it! #Swerve! 💃🏾  And don’t apologise for cutting people from your life if all their doing is wasting your time, or surrounding you with negative energy 🙅🏾 . Remember darling, you were born into this world alone, and you sure as hell are leaving it alone.

😋  Happy New Year darlings! 😊

Ennaira 🙈  💜